I’ve had a few days where I’ve been super productive. I’ve gotten up earlier, gone to bed earlier, and accomplished a lot of stuff. I even finally cleaned my desk and computer, something I’ve been meaning to do for ages.

But today, I have a list of things to do, and no interest in doing any of them. One of them was to make a blog post, so here I am, making a blog post about how much I really don’t want to do a blog post. I should evaluate this feeling.

What makes the motivation go away? Is it illness? I’ve been feeling under the weather, but it’s just a cold. Everybody has a cold this time of year. Is it lack of sleep? I am tired, but I got plenty of sleep last night. Is it laziness? Yes. That’s for sure, but that’s the result, not the cause.

If there is no conclusion there, let’s look at the things I’ve done instead. I’ve spent hours today on YouTube. I’ve watched other people be productive, I watched a road trip to Switzerland, and I’ve watched many (many) YouTube shorts. Brain rot. I’ve also spent about an hour on Instagram doing the same shit.

I did read a little of my novel (Pandora’s Star), and I read one chapter of an old fanfiction. That’s not productive, but at least it’s not harmful like that shit on YouTube. But the thing is, if I weren’t on YouTube or Instagram, I still probably wouldn’t feel like doing anything I need to do.

Part of it, I think, is general “fuck, when is Spring coming, I’m so sick of being stuck in the house.” Another part is just general disinterest in doing anything because I’ve been so productive the last few days. Maybe my brain thinks it’s time to take a day off.

No matter what, I find when I feel like this, I feel worse about myself. I also feel more tired and even less interested in interacting with people. These moods pass, but it would be nice if I could maintain the productivity that I saw yesterday. But alas, it is not meant to be and I do not feel like doing anything.

But I did write this blog post, such as it is, so I guess there’s that.