I am not a people person. Despite being a YouTuber and now a “professor”, I would much rather be away from people as much as possible. Of course, that’s not very healthy, so I try to put myself out there as much as I’m comfortable with.

But each time I have interactions with someone else, I get very anxious beforehand. I deal with it because I must, but it’s something I’ve felt basically my entire life.

The thing is, most interactions, especially those with friends, go well. I have fun talking to my friends and even people in the community. After the interaction is done, I’m almost always happy that I was there to take part. But I still feel anxious every time, even if the time before went well.

I’ve found no real solution for dealing with this other than sucking it up and following through. When I need to do a podcast or have a meeting, I just do it. I have a good time and I’m happy and relaxed until the next one, when I’ll inevitably freak out again.

I’m not sure what causes this feeling. It might be that I’m just introverted beyond belief. It might be remnants of a mostly friendless childhood. It might just be that I’m lazy and talking to people is work. 🤣

This social anxiety is part of the reason why I have a blog and a YouTube channel and a podcast. If I had none of those things, it’d be very easy for me to not talk to anyone at all for long periods. I’d be happy to not talk for ages and not have to interact with people. But I would be lonely, even if I’d be happy avoiding the anxiety of social interaction. So, I force my self to be social. One day, maybe, I’ll get used to it and the anxiety will go away.

After all, they say practice makes perfect.