I pre-ordered the original Steamdeck right when it was announced. I cancelled that, but ended up pre-ordering it again. My biggest draw to this handheld gaming machine was that it is a gaming machine meant for the masses that runs Linux. I’m a Linux guy. I also figured I could make some content about the Steamdeck for my YouTube channel.

But, the thing is, I’ve not been a gamer in 20 years. I used to game quite a bit, but not so much anymore. And it’s not like I don’t want to game. I wrote ages ago about how I really wanted to add gaming to my life again. I still have that interest, but my attention span when it comes to games just isn’t there.

The Steamdeck was another attempt to recapture my inner gamer. And it has completely failed. I have this thing, and from time to time the itch will get to me, and I’ll get it out. I’ll charge it, update it, and then… put it back in its case. Right now, as I write this, the Steamdeck is sitting charged and updated on my desk. I got it out last night, once again wanting to play a game. Now, in the light of day, that interest has retreated again.

I’m not sure if there are people out there who treat gaming like me. I also buy a ton of games on Steam. Every time those assholes have a sale (which is all the time), I go buy something to add to my library of unplayed games. I have almost 200 games, the vast majority of which, I’ve not played. I’ve been doing this for years. I also did it back when I had an XBox 360; I would buy games, and then put them on the shelf, often never removing the outer film, and then not think about it. It’s silly. I’m a fake gamer. I buy the games, and then I don’t play them.

I could sit here, and tell y’all that I’m going to be different this time. I’m going to sit this morning and play a bit before I have to get to work. But we all know that would be a big fat lie. Oh, maybe I’ll stick to that goal for a little while, but eventually, my attention will turn elsewhere, and the Steamdeck will go back into its case. Then the cycle will continue, as it has forever.

I could stop the madness and sell the Steamdeck, but the hoarder in me says that eventually I’ll be the gamer I always wanted to be, so I should probably keep it. Just in case. And I will. After all, this is the older model, I probably wouldn’t get much from it anyway. Might as well hold onto it. It isn’t hurting anything (other than my wallet), what harm is it in keeping it around so that when I want to game, I can?

See how it’s done? My inner gamer sucks at gaming but is awesome at convincing myself that I will one day actually be a gamer. So, I will continue on, and I’ll try to get through some of my Steam library. I’ll probably fail, but I’m going to try again. Wish me luck. 🤣