I’m writing this as there is about 1 minute left in the Tampa Bay vs Philadelphia Eagles game. I’ve been an Eagles fan for almost 30 years. I’ve loved sports most of my life. I’ve never been very good at watching my teams, however. I watch, but it doesn’t feel healthy, so I often have to look away or go to another room. The anxiety of being a fan is real, and isn’t something I really enjoy, despite being a huge fan of a lot of teams.

Every time I watch a play, I tense up, grind my teeth, as if the tension in my body is going to somehow effect the outcome of the play. I also get very angry, even when things are going well. The Eagles are 3-0, maybe 4-0 when I finish this post, but dammit if I haven’t been bitching out the Offensive Coordinator for two hours straight. That’s not unique to me, of course, but it still feels uncomfortable for me.

I’ve had situations where I just turn the game off, even when the score is in my team’s favor. My anxiety gets to me and I have to go do something else. Oddly, I can listen to a radio broadcast and not feel that horrible at all. It’s something about watching it that gives me the feels. I don’t really get it, but it’s not new. I was like this as a young kid too, where I felt if I watched the games too closely, I’d cause them to lose. I’m not superstitious in any other way, but with sports, goodness if my team loses, chances are, I’ll take some of the blame. I don’t get it, but it’s the way I feel. For example, the Eagles played really well in the first half of this game. I have a hat that I got after the Super Bowl this last season, and I was wearing it the entire first half. I got hot, so I took it off, and then the Eagles collapsed in the second half, making it a real game. I put the hat back on, and while they didn’t play better, they held on to win. My brain tells me it was the hat that caused the ups and downs. It’s silly.

But, the game is over. The Eagles won, and now I can take a few deep breaths and hopfully watch the Chiefs and the Cowboys lose. That’ll make the day a good one.