I am not as confident driving as I once was. I work from home, so I don’t go out as much as I used to. I’ve talked about this a little either in a post here or on the podcast, but I just don’t feel like I’m as good a driver as I once was. One of the things that I’ve really noticed over the last few years is that I have a serious fear of running a red light. Now this is a fear that I think everyone should have. Running a red could lead to your death or the death of someone else. So, being fearful of it is reasonable and rational.

But, my fear has made me a nervous driver every time I approach a light. Instead of smoothly approaching a green light, I slow down. My heart rate picks up, and my grip tightens on the wheel. I wouldn’t be surprised if my blood pressure goes up and my hair starts to stand on end. Or starts to turn gray. This fear often leads me to slamming on the breaks at the earliest sign of a yellow light, when the safest thing to do would be to keep going. Stopping that abruptly could lead to me being rear-ended by the guy no doubt following too closely behind me. I know this because, after all, I used to be a good driver.

But the fear has led to me wanting to leave the house less. If it weren’t for my family, my trips to the store for food, and my occasional trips for work, I’d never leave the house and be perfectly happy. Some of that is that I just prefer to be at home, but some of is I just don’t like to drive anymore. 90% of that is the fear I have of traffic lights.

Now, this has gotten better. A few years ago, after an incident where my breaks gave out at a stop sign, I didn’t go out. I wouldn’t drive unless someone made me. I would come up with any excuse to stay home. My dad would have to go to the store. I’d order delivery if I couldn’t get that to happen. If there was a work trip, I’d plead sickness and beg to be able to do it remotely.

Thankfully, I’m not as bad now as I was then. I enjoy my trips out now, at least for the most part. I do still have a lot of nerves when it comes to traffic lights, though. I still slow down for green lights, stop for yellows that I should go through, and in general just stress out over every light I encounter. Those are always the least good parts of any trip I make.

I find as I get older (yeah, I talk about my age a lot), that I don’t want this fear to continue to affect me. I don’t want to be the guy who can’t leave his house at all because of fear. So, I need to get out more. Touch some grass. Maybe talk to some actual people. It’ll do me so much good.

Now, I just need to do it.

Thoughts? Leave a comment below, find me on the Fediverse or email me.