Last month, I talked about starting the process of losing weight. I don’t think I’ll do an actual check in online for a while, but it’s going well enough so far. I’ve lost some weight, I’m doing better at portion control and counting calories, and I’m feeling better. But there is one area that’s a problem for me. And I knew that it was going to be a problem: moving around more.

I think I’ve written about this problem somewhere else, but I have the shittiest knees in the world. The doctor said my knees are worse than some 90 year old’s he’s seen. And I’m 40. I’ve had multiple surgeries, and all that’s left is a complete replacement, which can’t happen until I’ve lost some weight.

But I can’t lose a lot of weight being so stationary all the time. So, I need to move around. There are going to be no marathons on my future, but I can walk. Well, I can limp with my cane or walking stick, if you want to call that walking.

Most days what keeps me from actually doing this is the fear of pain, not the pain itself. When I do go out for a walk or walk around in circles in my family room, I don’t actually end up in more pain. Sometimes I do, and it’s those times that act as the excuse to not walk. It doesn’t take much for me not to go walking. I’m in pain always with my knees, so if I even think that it might get worse, I’ll happily sit my fat ass down and do something else.

But it’s more than just walking that’s the problem. You can exercise in other ways that aren’t hard on your knees, I know this. I’ve been overweight a long time, so I know all the tricks. It’s just a matter of doing them. And even though I’ve found the motivation to work on my eating habits, the old rule of a stationary object staying in place applies to me as well. If I start, I can keep going, but starting is hard when I still have the lazy bastard mentality.

I’ve tried to game-ify it. Give myself points, or whatever. I’ve tried rewards: walk and watch an episode of a TV show or read a chapter in the Book of the Month. None of that really works, because there is no downside. Or at least no immediate downside. The consequences of not doing it, is slow weight loss or weight gain, but that’s always “tomorrow Matt’s” problem.

The thing that I need to do is change my mindset. I’m never going to be a gym bunny or whatever, but I can make it a habit. I’m, as I’ve said, driven by habits. Do it one day, keep a streak sheet, and work on it from there. If I can string days together, it will eventually be entrenched in my workflow, and I’ll be set.

Today was day 1, btw. I walked in circles in my family room just after midnight. It wasn’t much, but it was a start, which I’m happy with. After all, starting is the hardest part.

I want to say thanks to all the people who reached out after my last post with kind words and encouragement. I really appreciate it. I think I got back to everyone, but if I missed you, know that I thank you and appreciate you.