If you’d asked be six months ago, I’d tell you I’ve been creating things for 20 years. Between being a professional writer and then a YouTuber, I create things all the time.

But, lately, I’ve been feeling otherwise. I don’t write anymore professionally. Not really. I spend all my time editing other people’s writing, and I have no doubt that in the next year my job will go away because ChatGPT can do it for me. As for YouTube, what do I really create? I rant about Linux topics, I maybe look at apps, but really all the content I create is super reliant on the work of other people.

Add on top of that, the channel I run just isn’t growing. It’s never grown gangbusters, but it’s always been slow and steady. That’s pretty much gone now. Some of that is some extended time off on my part, but also I feel like I just keep repeating myself over and over and over again. The same 10 videos keep being produced all the time, and not only am I sick of it, the people who watch me are too. The Algorithm can sense that, which is why even when I do a video that should do well, it tanks.

There is a small part of me that says I should just be grateful for what I have. And I am. I’m incredibly grateful. I have no business having 60,000+ subscribers. I have no clue, really, why anyone watches my content.

I think I’ve been watching too many developers and artists on YouTube. All these guys and gals create and know things. And lately, it just feels like I don’t do that.

It’s depressing. I’ve been doing this YouTube thing for over 5 years now, and I just have no clue where to go next. Maybe I will just be happy with what I have, create some content that some people like, and be as happy as I can be. Or maybe I need to start thinking about what type of content makes me the happiest. When do I have the most fun?

Because, lately nothing has been fun. It’s been a drag. And I want the fun back. I just don’t know what to do to get there again.

Sorry for bringing everyone down. I’m a bit depressed (if you couldn’t tell from the tone of this post). So maybe I just need to keep in mind that “this too, shall pass”. The sun will shine again, and if I put the effort in, maybe I can figure out how to make something I’m proud of.

Or maybe not. Who knows?

This was day 14 of Blaugust 2025